20 Of The Most Hilarious White Lies Parents Told Their Gullible Kids
Moms and dads are constantly telling their kids lies - it's sort of part and parcel of the whole parenting thing. It's just so easy to fool their little naive brains into believing whatever their parents tell them. Plus there are plenty of reasons why parents might want to, well, mislead their little ones into believing something that isn't entirely true, or something that is completely fabricated.
Some parents lie to their kids in a bid to teach them a much-needed lesson. In fact, when I was a kid, my parents would lie to me ironically as a way of getting me to stop lying. Their all-time favorite was to insist that if I ever lied about something, my tongue would turn green. Needless to say, whenever I did lie about something and they asked to inspect my tongue to see if it had indeed turned green, I was caught out in the lie when I refused to do so.
In more upsetting situations, parents will lie to their kids in order to protect them from certain harmful truths, such as telling them the family dog has just gone to live on a farm.
On a lighter note, sometimes parents lie to their kids because they're having a laugh and they want to make their gullible little rugrats the butt of their joke. Fair enough - raising kids is very stressful and a little comic relief never hurt anybody.
Then there are lies that parents tell their kids in order to maintain a sense of wonder and fantasy in their household, while they still can. For years, moms and dads will have their kids believe in mythical beings like the tooth fairy and Santa Claus.
And although generally speaking, lying isn't exactly a decent thing to do, most of the lies parents tell their kids are just white lies and so nothing to get too bent out of shape about.
Anyway, people from all over the world have been sharing their best stories about a white lie they were told as kids, and boy are they good.
1. It's a pretty honest lie if you ask me
"My mom brainwashed me as a kid. She put all of the candy out in the open and told me I could eat it whenever I wanted, but she'd hide the vegetables and tell me I could only eat them as a special treat at dinner. It worked. When I was six, I asked if I could have a bowl of Brussels sprouts for my birthday instead of a cake."
2. The most heartwarming of lies
"I've always been pretty fascinated with space. When I was a little girl, my dad would take his ladder and put it on our lawn every night, and bring my outside to tell me he put the moon up for me. I believed him for years. He passed away a few years ago, and every night when I see the moon I think of him."
3. At least they got a dog out of the lie
"My dad said if I could look after a special growing rock, and watered it each day until it stopped growing I could get a dog. I'd water it and every week, while I was at school he'd replace it with a slightly bigger rock."
4. The best way to shut up an annoying kid
"I was told that every person gets 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit, you can't physically speak until the new month begins. Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, 'Careful now, I have to think you are up over 9,000 by now.' That would shut me right up."
5. Adding the "third child" to the family albums was a nice touch
"Parents used to tell my only brother and I that we used to have another brother who turned into a mushroom from not taking a bath. Even added him to the family albums."
6. How to deter kids from getting too excited by the ice cream truck
"If the ice cream truck is playing music it means they have run out of ice cream."
7. Yeah, thanks a lot grandma
"We got our daughter to eat fish by calling it 'Argentinian Chicken'. That worked for a long time until grandma came along and f*cked it up."
8. I mean, who would ever believe that?
"My grandma told us that smelling each other's farts would make us stronger. Worst Christmas ever for us, funniest Christmas for her."
9. The classic "eat spinach to be strong like Popeye" lie
"My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like Popeye and if I ate it I could lift the house. I would have a few spoonfuls and then she'd rush outside with me and I'd try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She'd go "It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!" and I'd run back inside and finish it off."
10. The toys just never came
"When I was little my Dad told me that toys grew under the weeds in the yard and if I pulled them, eventually a toy would pop out. And I believed it for a long time."
11. I mean, he wasn't wrong
"My grandpa told me, when driving on the highway, that the fastest way to count all of the cows in a field is to count all the legs, and then divide by 4. It took me many, many years to figure out that my grandpa was a huge troll."
12. I'm going to use this on my kids one day
"My mother was a genius: She told us that brown M&M's were only for adults, so whenever we encountered a brown M&M we would give it to her."
13. No dinosaurs and constant vanilla fragrance - it's a win-win in my eyes
"When I was a kid I was really interested in dinosaurs, but also afraid of them. I would have trouble going to sleep because I was worried that one might just appear and eat me, even though I knew about extinction. My mom convinced me that the asteroid theory had been questioned, and the next likely theory was that there had been an explosion of liquid vanilla that killed them all off. She proceeded to fill a spray bottle with vanilla extract and put it in my room, and taught me to spray it in each of the corners of my room before I went to bed, saying: North, South, East, and West, dinosaurs, take a rest! I believed that this was the only thing keeping me safe for quite a while."
14. Beware of the bear eggs
"The funniest one I heard was a father who was asked about coconuts in a store by his son. He said: "Don't go near those, son...those are bear eggs..."
15. Oh, so that's why the door was always locked...
"'The door is locked because mommy was helping daddy hang a picture behind the door and we didn't want you to open it and hit us.' God damn how many times you guys are hanging pictures behind the door at night."
16. Yet another Popeye lie
"My dad told me if I ate my spinach if get hair on my chest like Popeye. So here I was a small girl wolfing down my spinach hoping I'd get hair on my chest, when I got older and realized I wasn't supposed to get hair on my chest my dad laughed at me."
17. I mean, there's gullible and there's just...
"My dad, a 2-3 pot-a-day coffee drinker, had me convinced at age 7 that you had to be 16 to buy and drink coffee. My first time at Starbucks when I was 16 I was so nervous because I thought they would card me! Lol"
18. An interesting theory
"Babies were bought from the hospital. Women had to get really fat to prove that they could afford eating well, and therefore, afford having a baby."
19. Works like a charm
"When she was small, I told my daughter that when she lied a red spot would appear on the middle of her forehead. I knew for sure it worked when she did indeed lie and then her hand went up to cover her forehead."
20. That's some kind of explosion, alright...
"My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our TV would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved porn channels on this one."
I'm definitely going to take inspiration from these parents when I have kids of my own! These have been absolutely brilliant!